art of being a jaded old hag

Jaded Old Hag--a nickname thought up by educated college roommates who tired of basing their life happiness on boyfriends. I stumbled into the association one day after an eloquent tirade on dating and was inducted as a JOHer in the twinkle of an eye.

What followed was a flurry of parties, movie nights, cackles, and the occasional night on the town that only a group of girls can do. I love being a JOH so much that I have vowed to be one my whole life--even after I marry and have kids. Watch out world.

For the record--a "jaded old hag" is not a "bitter bleepy witch."

"Jaded" is synonymous with being Freed--freed from pressure, hope, and from some conventions, and from unrealistic expectations--usually freed by a healthy sense of Irony, given through experience.

When your helium-balloon-hopes loudly pop! on life's power lines, being jaded means you laugh at the noise instead of being startled into crying (and you collect on the betting pool you had going on the side.)

"Old" and "hag"--those are mostly relative terms--a young girl can slip past JOH security if she demonstrates a correct form of jadedness. Though, for her safety, her membership is merely Honorary.

In other news, I invited a girl of sufficient age to hang out with the JOHers,because she seemed smart enough to appreciate reality, but she reprovingly responded, "I am NOT old!"

And I kicked her out before she got in.

Sometimes it's hard not to be jealous of girls who have no reason to be jaded. This girl looked like a cross between Pocahontas and a ballerina. And she's bubbly. Basically, she's a bodacious babe. I recently went to a dance with her and forgot that jaded means that I shouldn't care that boys flock to the Poc-allerinas of the world. To compensate for being ignored, I danced like a crazy and carefree windmill, and sometimes like a shopping cart. I couldn't decide if I was trying to attract attention, or was just flailing my arms defiantly at the universe.

Take that, universe! I'm jaded and I just don't care! Although, two days later, my knees still kind of hurt from dancing so hardcore. Not that it means anything.