art of good citizenship...

...on the stairs to Mordor.

I've determined that the Chinese are very protective over us.

At least, I'm assuming they have mainly innocent intentions, like protection; I don't know if it's a Western thing, but I tend to be suspicious of strangers we meet in random places, that seem to "adopt" us and want to see us safely home. And trust me, it's happened.

On Monday, Heidi and I finally went to the famous park in our host city, the one with all the trees and the lake and the crappy carny rides that weren't in use, but on which I secretly wanted to ride. We walked over the stone bridge, over the cement, zigzag walkway (without a railing) to the island in the center of the lake, laughed over the signs that said "No Fishing, this Water is Toxic Sludge" in Chinese, and then laughed even harder at the men fishing next to them. We walked around the lake in little secluded paths to the stone walls and around to see, on the hill in the distance, the temple-like thing at the top.

I noticed suddenly to my right that we had disturbed a man siting peacefully on a little secluded hill. At least, I assume we disturbed him, when we passed he immediately got up and walked on. His path was higher than ours, and I didn't pay much attention, till our paths combined and I saw that he was waiting off to the side.

I also noticed when he started again, about 20 yards behind us. We took one path, then another; he still followed us.

"Let's pretend to sit down," I said softly to Heidi as we come to an area with more audience.

"Why do you want to pretend to sit down?" she asked. "Should we just actually sit down?"

Well put, Heidi.

I looked back to see if I've started to make it a bigger deal than it was. My mystery person quickly jumped to a higher path and disappeared. I explained what I saw, but since he wasn't there anymore, we just kept moving, and I started to wonder if he spoke English and overheard us. As we were rounding the corner of a building we had just inspected, there he was again, waiting in the shade under the trees.

"Hey, do you speak English?" asked Heidi, a little too boldly, I thought. I was standing to one side of him, she to the other.

"Uhhhh, Yes!" he said, clearly lying.

"Are you following us?"

I started coughing (or laughing) at her interrogation, wondering how much he could understand.

"Uhhh. Yes."

"Did you know in America, that's rude??" she stated. We started walking, I have no idea why, he walked with us, my hand was on my purse the whole time...

I couldn't see how to get rid of him, so I asked (I have no idea why), "Are you a student?" to keep up the interrogation. Really I wanted to know if he would be so kind as to go away and leave us alone.

No, not a student.

Do you work?

No

"Are you a conman?" Heidi asked outright.

"Uhhh. Yes?" said our man. We had moved away from areas with audiences, and I was starting to get nervous.

Who did we remind me of? I wondered, as Heidi kept talking to him. We were moving up strange, secluded paths, no one else around, with a potential enemy as our guide, and I still had no idea why.

"I'm Samwise Gamgee!!" I exclaimed suddenly. Which made sense, since I was so suspicious, and since Heidi was clearly not the bad guy, that could only mean one thing.....

"What's your name, Smeagol--I mean, Sir?" I asked him.

"John."

"Very nice to meet you, John. Now if you don't mind, we are going onto paths that have more of a population. So..." I tried my best "significant look" at Heidi, but since she was obviously Frodo in this senario, I'm not sure she got it.

I led the party down to the other side of the lake, in view of several, several people. Coincidentally, that side of the lake happened to be the Modor side. It was very rocky incline, past a tunnel of jutting cliff. And lookey here, rickety, rockity stairs!

"Is that even a path?" I said nervously. It was vaguely steep. And there was a channel of toxic agua below, smiling a welcoming smile.

"Uhh. Yes!" said John. And he gestured for me to go ahead and climb up.

No Friggin' Way will I climb up there with Smeagol behind me, I thought to myself. But I looked up and Frodo had already started climbing.

"You go," I said VERY DECISIVELY to John. "I'll watch." And keep an eye on you, you creeper.

So in the constant guise of me being nervous to climb, when actually I was nervous to trust the crazy man following us, Heidi and I (and John) climbed up the stone cliff stairway, literally stepped from the cliff across the channel 50 feet below, to other rocks and crags of Mordor Island and then climbed our way to the temple with John as our guide. I Have No Idea Why.

And as soon as I had my back turned, John was being invited on more and more of our journey.

"Do you know of where we can get Chinese medicine balls?" Heidi asked. Two blocks south?

Smeagol showed us the way.

How about English books? Across the street?

Smeagol showed us the way.

Oh, great, I thought. He'll probably want to show us how to get to our house, too...

"AJ," said Heidi. "He wants us to go to his house, so he can show us his medicine balls.'

No. Friggin'. Way. I said in my head, in my heart, softly out loud to Heidi.

And it took some maneuvering. He was very insistent. Gentleman? Maybe. Kind? Maybe. Generous? Maybe. Suspicious? Very much so.

When he followed us to the bus stop, I boldly told him he could not come home with us. (He did ask.) I also told him I didn't know where my house was on the map. (I lied.) Heidi gave him her number, though. She'll have to deal with the consequences of that.

"Bye, Smeagol," I said in relief as he walked away. I watched him leave for a while.

"Oh, man! I wanted to be Sam," Heidi said to me, later, as we laughed at our story.

"No," I said. "I'm Sam...I am Sam."