the art of chinese speaking

Here's an adventure about when I was a teacher in China; It would have gone on this blog earlier, but Google and China are not friends:

At KFC, they know to bring out the picture menu. Once, I tried a new phrase: "how much" that sounds like "dua shaou," and I was excited when they understand me enough to respond in chinese about how much things cost, but then I remembered that I didn't understand anything else and panicked. I just handed them the money that I think covered my bill.

The progress on learning Chinese is slow. I imagine that since I'm fluent in Human, I can understand what they should be asking me-where are you from, why are you here. I can't answer back at all, which is frustrating. Heidi just decided to answer back in English the questions she thinks they say; she did that on the train with four ladies who thought that if they just repeated everything slower we would understand. So they were speaking in Chinese and she responded in English, and I was torn  between embarrassment and laughing hysterically. I'm sure they thought we were crazy, but they still loved us, which was the amazing part.

I was surprised when they opened my hand and slapped a flour tortilla in it. I was also kind of excited, because I was imagining tacos, and then they slapped a fried fish in it and I got a little nervous. My survival mode kicked in, just like I was on a mission and eating something less than desirable. All the fish was missing was it's head. I tried to tell them in Chinese that I didn't want it (bu Yao), but they got conveniently deaf to some of the only Chinese I know. Then they gave us some more unidentifiable green stuff, and then part of chicken. I ate it like a foreigner, picking out everything I couldn't handle, but eating most of it. Heidi actually received applause (APPLAUSE!) when she just rolled it up together to eat it, just like them, but she told me after that she almost threw up twice. I was a lot better. You know, the fish wasn't all that bad...I think I handled it pretty well. And maybe I deserve applause.

They were so nice though; they kept snapping pictures with us. I really should put some make-up on because my face is all over China now. They gave us their phone number. (I guess they didn't pick up on the fact that I don't speak Chinese.) We also gave them Idaho pins. Idaho is rapidly becoming the most well known state in China.

And then, as we were leaving, Heidi noticed one of them had a cute knit drawstring purse. She told the lady she liked it, and to our horror, the woman emptied it out and gave it to her!! We tried and tried to give it back, but of course we left the train in embarrassed possession of the bag. I am a little grateful for the example. I shouldn't have the mindset that all my possessions are to be held on to for dear life, I guess. As we were exiting the train station, Heidi commented on how cute the girl's pants were in front of us.

"Well, don't tell her!" I replied.

We took ourselves to a Chinese place for real chinese food called Mr. Lee. The waitress saw we were American and came to help us read the menu. She and Heidi acted out the pictures; Heidi made a snorting sound for pig because the waitress forgot the word in English. She told us she wanted to be our friend and got our cell phone numbers. We were very popular.

Later another university student came by to help us read the menu as well; she was studying English. Students here like to practice on us. I try not to feel too cynical about being used.

 One of the receptionists at my school asked me if I had had some Chinese food, and I was really proud of Mr. Lee. She wrinkled her nose and said that was fake Chinese food "almost real," which burst my bubble. It also disconerned me, because I had a bit of a hard time enjoying what I ordered.

Speaking of Chinese, it looks like my Spanish is kicking in. If at any time I have a hard time  communicaing (frequently) or my charades act doesn't work out, my brain starts switching over to the only other programmed language in there--Espanol. So sometimes there are accidents. Like when I said "Adios" to the bewildered shopkeeper and waved goodbye. Now they just think I'm making things up.